


Little Pieces

by sassybell (karenec)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Five Year Mission, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Narada, Romance, Schmoop, Starfleet Academy, post-STID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 02:23:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1209265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karenec/pseuds/sassybell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Bones find their own ways of marking the forty-fifth day of the year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Pieces

**Little Pieces**

 

On Leonard McCoy, scowling became an art form. Those who didn't know the good doctor were inclined to write him off as a curmudgeon. Once you got to know the man, though (and if you really paid attention) it was easy to interpret the moods that lurked behind the stormy expressions. As Leonard walked into Owen's Bar that night, Jim thought his friend looked frustrated, fatigued, and maybe even a bit discouraged.

Jim eyed Leonard's rumpled scrubs, remembering that his friend had left their quarters that morning dressed in reds, and turned to raise two fingers at the bartender. "Don't take this the wrong way, Bones, but you look like shit," he said as Leonard slid onto the bar stool beside him.

"Fuck you very much," Leonard quipped, though one side of his mouth quirked into an almost-smile. "You really know how to sweet talk a guy, kid."

"Says the guy who told me to stick the chronometer up my ass this morning."

"That's what you get for waking me up at 0600 by _singing_."

"I was singing 'Happy Birthday' to you, Bones."

"A fact made all the more bizarre because it's not my birthday, Jim, and you know that."

Jim rolled his eyes. "Of course I know that, but since you didn't celebrate on the actual day I had no choice but to make one up. And don't look at me like that," he groused as Leonard's eyes narrowed. "It's not like your DOB is hard to find."

"Why do I find that hard to believe?"

"Because you're bitter and suspicious?" Jim's smile softened as Leonard snorted. "Your birthday is a matter of public record, just like any other citizen's," he continued more quietly. "All I had to do was open a search."

Leonard gazed at his friend for a long moment before nodding. "I stopped celebrating my birthday years ago. You don't need to make one up."

"Ah, but I _want_ to make one up."

"What the hell for?" Leonard persisted, though his expression brightened as the bartender placed a beer and a shot of whiskey in front of each of them. "Thanks, O," he murmured then wrapped his fingers around the shot glass, cocking an eyebrow at Jim. "Why’d pick today of all days?"

Jim shrugged and fiddled with the collar of his uniform jacket. "Why not today?"

Leonard waved his free hand at the red streamers and foil hearts decorating the bar. "It's the forty-fifth, Jim, the day for puffy hearts and sugar candy. Not the day for divorcees who are very, very single. And definitely not my birthday."

"I'll buy you some cinnamon hearts. And a shot."

"You know, my lab partner bailed on me today," Leonard mused, "and I had to finish a three-hour lab by myself. One of my PADDs is cracked, I may or may not have lost my comm, and some Russian whiz kid lost his lunch all over my uniform during my shift at the med unit."

Jim shook his head in sympathy. "As birthdays go, that sucks, man."

"It's _not_ my birthday, Jim. You're really living up to that blond hair of yours tonight." Leonard's expression grew distant for a moment before he blinked and cracked a humorless little smile. "Anyway … my last few birthdays sort of put me off celebrating altogether. I'd rather just forget the whole thing if it's all the same to you."

Jim nodded thoughtfully. He knew about the dark times that had preceded his friend's joining Starfleet, about the father that Leonard had lost and the marriage that had failed, and how deeply those losses had hurt the doctor.

"Let's make your fake birthday better," Jim suggested, digging in his pocket and grinning as he held up Leonard's missing communicator. "Found this by the door—you must have dropped it on your way out this morning."

Leonard smiled sincerely as he took the comm, then lifted the whiskey glass and tipped it toward Jim. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Jim lifted his own glass, pausing just short of touching it to Leonard's. "Happy birthday, man."

"Jim, come on," Leonard protested while Jim motioned for patience with his free hand.

"I know you don't want to make a big deal on the actual day. I can respect that—"

"Less talky, more drinky, Jim."

"—and I'm not one for birthday celebrations either." Jim smiled when Leonard laughed; they’d gone to Baja for Jim's birthday a few weeks before and gotten staggeringly drunk every day.

"Doesn't mean we shouldn't mark the occasion, though, even if it's fake, and hope for a good year to follow." Jim’s blue eyes shone warmly as he touched their glasses together. "Happy Birthday, Bones."

Leonard huffed, smiling even as he shook his head in defeat. "Thanks, kid."

Jim's stomach did a funny little flip as Leonard winked at him, and he welcomed the burn of the whiskey to chase the unfamiliar sensation away.

 They'd already put away another round when a slim hand lighted on Leonard's shoulder. The doctor glanced back, his surprised expression quickly changing to one of pleasure as he recognized the silver-haired figure clad in cadet reds.

"Hello, Theelis," he greeted, nodding at the knot of cadets he didn't recognize clustered behind the Andorian.

Theelis smiled brightly, her antennae waving gently when Leonard introduced her to Jim. "Hello there. I’m glad to have run into you this evening, Leonard McCoy. My friends have brought me here to celebrate a mystifying Terran holiday that somehow involves the human cardiac organ."

"The Feast of St. Valentine," Jim replied while Leonard tried not to choke on his beer. "An ancient tradition during which tokens of affection are exchanged between lovers," he explained, waving at the bartender again.

"Yes, I see," Theelis replied, though her expression remained puzzled. "The others have tried to explain, but I am still unclear about the purpose of designating a stardate for the purpose of celebrating a Terran emotional abstract."

"You're not alone in your misunderstanding," Leonard confided. "You'd be hard pressed to find two people _less_ motivated to mark the forty-fifth than Jim and I. It's all a load of bullsh—nonsense."

"So you are not celebrating the holiday but something else instead. Is that correct?"

Jim turned back from placing his order with a smile. "We're pretending it's Bones' birthday," Jim told her, wincing as Leonard kicked him under the bar. "No big deal, though—Owen's mixing us a couple more drinks before I have to go to the med center to have my bruises regen'ed."

"Serves you right," Leonard muttered darkly before tilting the rest of his beer down his throat. His eyebrows rose as Theelis  clapped her hands in delight.

"Oh, birth dates are a wonderful cause for celebration," she exclaimed, "particularly if you have chosen a new date to celebrate your birth, Leonard. I think it is a wonderful way of 'making a fresh start,' as you Terrans say."

"I haven't really chosen a new birth date so much as decided not to acknowledge the real one," Leonard told her, "but I'm grateful to be here passing the time with good friends."

The doctor’s smile was gentle as he met first Theelis' wide blue eyes and then Jim's, but he groaned after Owen delivered the next round in a trio of shot glasses, one of them shining an unearthly shade of blue. "O ... what the hell are these?"

"Two _Hearts On Fire_ and a glow-ale for the lady," Owen replied with a wink that made the Andorian's cheeks flush violet. "Courtesy of Mr. Kirk here and our holiday drink menu."

"I'm so blaming you if I get sick tonight, kid," Leonard muttered, eyeing his glass of crimson-colored liquid while Theelis thanked Owen and Jim.

"I promised you some cinnamon hearts and a shot to celebrate the forty-fifth, Bones--cinnamon liqueur mixed with a little Klingon Firewater is the best I could do on such short notice." Jim's expression was not quite straight as he held his glass out to the others. "To Bones."

"To birth dates," Theelis added with a nod, lifting her glass to meet Jim's.

Leonard rolled his eyes and grinned. "To heartburn," he threw in, tapping his glass against the others' while they laughed. "Because that is exactly what this drink is gonna get me."

 

~o0o~

 

Jim had to hand it to Rand and Barrows: they were nothing if not enthusiastic. Dozens of paper hearts ranging in colors ranging from palest pink to deep magenta plastered the rec room on deck five, glowing in the light of strands of twinkling fairy lights hanging from the ceiling.

"Pretty," Uhura murmured approvingly as she stepped up beside Jim, her dark eyes reflecting the tiny lights as she smiled. She'd changed into a long-sleeved uniform tunic and trousers after finishing her shift and was carrying a tray of sweet confections from the mess.

"Rand is a genius with the replicators," Jim confided, taking the tray from Uhura. "She and Barrows even got it to spit out some really decent candy if you can believe it. Now all we need is Scotty's hooch and we're ready to party."

Uhura let out a chuckle, shaking her head when Jim looked at her questioningly.

"Something funny, Lieutenant?"

"Not really. It's just that this is all very—" Uhura waved a hand at the decorations, "—well, _sweet_."

Jim raised his brows, biting back a laugh when the lieutenant looked abashed. He guessed that a very un-Uhura like blush was lurking behind her rich brown skin. "Do you have a problem with sweet, Lieutenant?"

"Not at all. With all due respect, though, sir, you just don't strike me as a hearts and flowers kind of guy."

Jim looked around the room suspiciously. "I don't see any flowers." He slid the tray of treats onto the nearest table as Uhura pursed her lips, then gave her an oddly tender smile.

"Bones and I started having drinks on this day back at the academy. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary the first time ... we were sort of celebrating his birthday with a friend and it just sort of came together. When the day rolled around again the next year, we kept it going and have ever since."

Uhura frowned. "I don't understand ... doesn't Dr. McCoy’s birthday fall on the twentieth?"

"It certainly does, Lieutenant," replied a voice as dry as dust. Jim and Uhura turned to find the man in question standing a short distance away with Scott and Spock, Chekov and Sulu bringing up the rear. Leonard was wearing one of his trademark scowls, but there was a gleam of amusement in his eyes as he looked from Uhura to Jim and back.

"Not that it makes any difference," he told her. "The Captain will make _any_ excuse to hand out chocolate roses and truly awful cocktails on the forty-fifth, and one of his favorites is hijacking my birthday."

"Again, there are no flowers, chocolate or otherwise," Jim groused. "And hey, may as well kill two birds with one stone, right?" He held out a hand to Scott, helping the Chief Engineer with the crate he was carrying and helping to unpack liquor bottles and other items.

Sulu cocked his head and frowned almost sympathetically at Leonard. "Not a fan of your birthday, Dr. McCoy? Or is it just the forty-fifth?"

Leonard shrugged carelessly, though there was something wistful in his expression. "Not really a fan of either, Mr. Sulu, especially the forty-fifth—bunch of sentimental nonsense if you ask me.

"Unfortunately, the universe saw fit to stick me with a commanding officer who insists not only on marking both occasions but throwing a goddamned party like a teenaged girl—" he broke off as Jim stepped forward again, brandishing a badge decorated with a flashing, hot pink heart.

The two men looked at each other for a moment, bright blue eyes meeting warm hazel, before Jim handed the badge to his CMO with a smile. Leonard rolled his eyes at the emblem before fastening it to his tunic, grumbling quietly while his cheeks flushed pink and his crew mates looked on in amusement. An expression of naked relief crossed his face when Jim stepped forward once more, this time holding a shot glass in each hand.

"Don't let Dr. McCoy fool you," Jim admonished the others as he handed one glass to Uhura and the other to Leonard. "No matter what he says, Bones has a soft spot for forty-fifth, just like any self-respecting man of the South."

Spock's eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly at Leonard's noise of outrage. "I am not sure I follow, Captain. Why would an antiquated holiday with dubious ties to Terran religious martyrs appeal to anyone, including Dr. McCoy and regardless of the geographic location of his birth?"

"I think I've just been insulted," Leonard mused with a frown, though he raised his glass to Spock with a nod. "Can't say I disagree with you, Commander, even if you make the whole thing sound less romantic than even I'd have thought possible. Also don't listen to Jim—he's from Iowa, for Christ's sake, and thinks that Missouri is a southern state."

"That does not answer my question, Doctor," Spock replied mildly.

"No, I suppose it doesn't, and I can't say I've got an answer for you, either,” Leonard replied. “The forty-fifth appeals to romantics and I'm no expert on affairs of the heart, Spock—I'm a doctor, not a poet."

Jim chuckled when Leonard aimed a peevish look his way.

"See what you've started? I'm defending romance, Jim. To a _Vulcan_."

"Bones, you and Spock discussing anything unrelated to ship's business is a win in my book," Jim replied, his free hand coming up to give Leonard's shoulder a quick squeeze. "That leaves me free reign to hand out cinnamon hearts."

Leonard’s face changed suddenly, his expression softening in a way that made Jim's chest ache.

" _Hearts On Fire_ ," he continued more quietly, gesturing to Leonard's glass with his own. "Courtesy of Owen's Bar in San Francisco, and our own Mr. Scott's uncanny ability to acquire real booze out of absolutely nowhere."

"No idea what you're talking about, Captain," Scott put in blithely. "If I sometimes find unexpected things in the transporters, well, who's to say how they got there?"

"That's chocolate liqueur in your glass, Spock," Jim remarked, the corners of his lips twitching as Spock warily examined the glass in his hand. "Didn't think you'd enjoy the Klingon Firewater. I know you don't make a habit of drinking alcohol, Commander, so be sure to pace yourself."

"I am on duty during gamma shift, Captain," Spock replied smoothly, "as is Lieutenant Sulu, which means that our consumption of cocktails must be curtailed accordingly."

Ignoring Sulu's disgruntled sigh, Jim raised his glass, his eyes shining as his crew lifted theirs in return. "To romance. And to friends and traditions, both new and old."

The warm hum of camaraderie was spoiled somewhat when Sulu spluttered slightly at the tail end of his shot, but the sound of Chekov swearing in Russian as he thumped the pilot on the back made Jim grin. 

 

Later, following the rounds of drinks and trays of sweet treats, Jim sought out Leonard’s company. Quietly, the two friends made their way out of the rec room, walking side by side to the lift that carried them to deck nine.

Once inside Leonard's quarters, Jim turned to the doctor, slipping his arms around the other man and pressing his face against Leonard's neck, pushing gently until Leonard's back was against the wall. Leonard leaned into the embrace, his hands  sliding under Jim's arms and coming up to trace the lines of Jim's spine and shoulder blades as he pulled the captain closer.

Jim's heart was thundering as he pulled back far enough to brush his lips against Leonard's, warmth spreading through his body when the other man let out a rumbling sigh. That small, sexy sound drove Jim to kiss Leonard again, slow and sweet, with a longing and heat that was as scary as it was delicious.

The friends never spoke about these hookups, not when they'd begun during their final year at the Academy, or when they'd increased in frequency following the _Narada_. Jim didn't really understand what these moments _meant_ , only that they felt oddly right and that, recently, they'd begun to change. Having Leonard in his arms made Jim ache and soar at the same time and he found himself wondering things he'd never considered before. Like why spending his shore leave in strangers' beds left him feeling hollow, or why it was getting harder and harder to leave Leonard's quarters after they'd fooled around. Jim, for all his skills with diplomacy and tactics, found himself unable to articulate these thoughts, even to himself. So he took his cues from Leonard and didn't bring them up.

Now, inside the CMO’s quarters, Jim slid one thigh between Leonard's legs, smiling against the doctor's lips when Leonard groaned. It was Jim's turn to gasp when broad hands slid under the waistband of his uniform pants to grab his ass, and he let his head fall back when Leonard dipped his head to run his tongue along the line of Jim's jaw.

"Feels so fucking good, Jimmy," Leonard breathed, humming when Jim shuddered against him.

"You sure know how to sweet talk a guy, Bones," Jim gritted out, throwing Leonard's own words from years before back at him as he teased. His smile faded when Leonard went still against him, warm hands moving out of Jim's pants to settle at his waist.

Jim frowned as he pulled back to get a look at his friend. "Bones? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Leonard replied. His head stayed bowed for a long moment, his eyes avoiding Jim's, until at last he straightened and gave his friend that same, soft little smile that made Jim's throat ache. "Thanks for tonight, Jim. It was ... that was a nice time for the crew."

Jim swallowed and reached to push Leonard's hair back from his forehead with a grin. "It wasn't too corny?"

"Naw. It was kind of perfect."

Jim held his breath as Leonard leaned to press their foreheads together, his big eyes somehow shining in the dim light, flashing with emotions and thoughts that the man wasn't putting into words.

"You miss her," Jim guessed, his voice soft with honest sympathy. He'd always liked Theelis. He'd been glad when the Andorian and Leonard became lovers, and grateful that they'd stayed friends after the flame of their _almost_ -romance had gone out. Leonard had been stoic when they'd confirmed that Theelis had been aboard the _Mayflower_ during the Battle for Vulcan—they'd lost so many friends during those awful days—but Jim had seen grief and sadness in his friend's eyes.

"I miss a lot of people," Leonard said now, the slightest waver in his voice as he looked down. "But, yeah, I've been thinking about Theelis a lot this week. I got used to celebrating my fake birthday with the two of you."

Jim nodded in understanding, licking his lips when Leonard closed his eyes.

"I think," he said quietly, "that I miss the way things were before, you know? Before the _Narada_ , before that crazy Romulan wormed his way into the universe and started blowing up worlds ..."

"Before you ended up aboard a flying tin can with crazy Jimmy Kirk as your captain?" Jim teased. The self-deprecation was worth it when Leonard opened his eyes and huffed out a laugh.

"That's turning out to be not so bad, actually," the doctor hedged.

Jim let out a low whistle. "Holy shit, Bones. Pretty sure that's the first time you've paid me a compliment as your captain." He nudged his forehead into Leonard's, laughing when the other man grunted.

"Don't let it go to your head. You're already wearing the biggest hat-size that Starfleet makes—next size up was designed for Klingons." Leonard roared with laughter when Jim grabbed him and started hauling him bodily toward the bed.

It was late in the starship's night when Captain Kirk let himself back into his own quarters.

 

~o0o~

 

The sight of the medbay's newest medic organizing two trays of food in the mess caught Jim's attention.

"What's going on, Barrows?" Jim asked, holding up one hand in apology when the medic jumped slightly.

"You startled me, Captain," she said with a breathless little laugh, her creamy complexion flushing pink. "I didn't see you standing there."

"My apologies."

"That quite all right." Barrows gestured to the trays. "Nurse Chapel sent me to put together some dinner trays for Drs. McCoy and Finch—she's sure they won't take the time to eat even though they're just getting off shift."

Jim watched Barrows’ hands move capably from the replicators to the trays with hot soup and club sandwiches, concern prickling in his chest. How much work did the _Enterprise_ crew make for the medbay staff if its three Medical Officers were too busy to eat?

"Are my doctors in the habit of skipping meals?"

"Not usually." Barrows' green eyes were earnest as she collected slices of pie from the replicator. "They've been busy taking turns going planet-side to work on immunizations for the Omicron colony, as well as covering the medbay. The turbo lift accident in the cargo bay during alpha shift today just made things a lot more hectic."

Jim frowned darkly. He'd already beamed down to the Omicron colony himself when the accident occurred and been unable to do more than read through Spock's and Leonard's reports of damage estimates and injury counts as they came in. Leonard had still been in surgery when Jim had dropped into the medbay to check in with the injured.

"I imagine the medbay staff have been stretched pretty thin." He took a thermos of coffee from  Barrows, acutely aware that he hadn't seen Leonard outside of the medbay or the transporter room for _days_.

"There's been more going on than usual, sir," Barrows agreed, "but I think ... no, I _know_ it's common for the medical staff to put the needs of others before their own."

"Dr. McCoy says it comes with the territory," Jim murmured, smiling when the medic met his eyes.

"Nurse Chapel says the very same thing."

Jim nodded knowingly. "In another universe, Nurse Chapel is probably the captain of this boat, and the rest of us are her minions—that woman knows what she's talking about."

Barrows' laughter made Jim grin. Tonia Barrows had excelled in her duties as a crewman to the bridge staff; Jim had been almost disappointed when she’d applied for the on-board medic training program. He'd approved the application, of course, not only because Barrows wanted something outside of administration, but also because she'd be training with some of the finest medical staff in the ‘fleet. Now, as the light struck the medic’s auburn hair, a sudden chill fell came over Jim. He wondered if Barrows had occasion to laugh like this in the medbay, and whether Bones ever looked at her pretty, pixie features and smiled in return.

"Captain!" a voice called, pulling Jim from his strange train of thought. He glanced up to see Lieutenants Marcus and Uhura crossing the mess toward him, each carrying a tray of sweets.

"I thought for sure you'd beat us to the rec room, sir,” Marcus said, her blue eyes bright as she stepped up to Jim's side.

Jim looked at his officers avidly. "Lieutenants! I take it that we have a green light for the party on deck five?"

"We do, sir," Uhura replied, her eyebrows arching delicately as she admired the contents of the tray in her hands. "Sulu just comm'd to say that Mr. Scott's worked his magic again and all that's needed now is some gooey treats and the CO."

"Excellent news indeed." Jim grinned mischievously as he plucked two confections from Marcus’ tray and slid them onto the trays that Barrows had filled with food. "I'm going to give Barrows a hand with some deliveries to the medbay staff first and then I'll join you."

"Oh, Captain, that's not necessary," Barrows protested, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment again.

"Many hands make lighter work," Jim replied and blinked, considering the idiom while Marcus laughed gently. "Or something like that, anyway. Something my grandmother used to say all the time."

He scooped up a tray, nodding to the medic and the lieutenants as he turned toward the exit. "C'mon, Barrows—the sooner we drop these off, the sooner we can join the others at the party."

 

Once outside Leonard’s door, Jim paused before he pressed the chime. The doctor had been different since Khan had tried to knock the _Enterprise_ out of the sky. To be fair, few of the crew weren't changed in some way by the experience. Of them all, though, three of Jim's officers seemed most affected: Mr. Scott, who had found Jim outside of the warp core, Mr. Spock, who had watched Jim die, and Dr. McCoy, who had brought Jim back from the dead.

The three men recovered from their trauma in different ways. Scott, with his engineer's need to tinker, craved activity, something he found as he focused on rebuilding the ship he loved so much. Spock, normally so stoic and cool, became less remote, and made a habit of speaking with Jim every day, often setting up time for the men to meet for games of chess and talk of the ship's business.

To Jim’s surprise, it was Leonard who proved the most difficult to pin down. Following Jim's release from Starfleet Medical, Leonard had hovered on the periphery of the captain’s life, monitoring his recovery with unwavering focus while seeming almost hesitant to get too close. As the days progressed, Leonard very carefully withdrew into himself. His typically animated demeanor faded behind a mask of pained politeness that no amount of teasing or even true provocation could crack.

Troubled and feeling helpless, Jim watched his friend, taking note of the shuttered expression in Leonard's eyes and his brittle way of speaking, and held himself back from asking Leonard what was going on. That the doctor stopped touching Jim entirely outside of their doctor-patient relationship simply left the young captain feeling empty.

Pertinent information about Lieutenant Commander McCoy was communicated to Jim, of course, via comms routed through the appropriate channels (rather than coming directly from Leonard). Jim signed off on the paperwork when Leonard sought treatment when his aviophobia resurfaced, and noted that his friend was using an anti-anxiety medication that had helped the problem in the past. He breathed a sigh of relief when the CMO was cleared for duty aboard the _Enterprise_ again, but realized he was unsure that Leonard even wanted the job anymore.

With time, things between Jim and Leonard settled into something more comfortable. The awful awkwardness dissipated to the point where they could spend off duty time in each other’s company, eating meals, working out, and sharing drinks and gossip. They weren’t quite back to where they’d been before Khan, but Jim thought they were close.

Now, he sent Mr. Scott a quick comm and pressed the chime, shifting from one foot to the other as the door to Leonard's quarters slid open. He found the doctor at his desk, dressed in his off duty uniform and obviously still working on an array of PADDs spread over the surface. Jim had enough time to take note of the dark circles under Leonard's eyes when the man glanced up, his mouth dropping open in surprise.

"Jim? What the hell are you doing?" Leonard pushed the PADDs aside as he got to his feet and held out his hands for the tray. "Chapel comm'd to say she was having some dinner sent up, but last I checked, you were the captain, not a delivery man."

"Your medic, Barrows, is busy delivering a tray to Finch," Jim chided, "so I offered to bring this over. You're not the only workaholic doctor on the ship, you know, Bones."

Leonard snorted gently, his unusually pale cheeks flushing with color as he slid the food tray onto the desk. He seemed to hesitate before he spoke again. "Care for a drink? I picked up a bottle of Andorian brandy at the last outpost—I was just getting ready to crack it."

Jim smiled. "Thanks, Bones. You sit, though," he urged, waving his friend off and going to the sideboard where Leonard kept his liquor. "Quit working, eat your dinner, and let me pour you a drink—you look like hell."

"Always the charmer," Leonard mused and though Jim's eyes were on the drinks he was pouring, he could hear the fatigue in his friend's voice. "Hope you've got better sense than to talk to Lieutenant Marcus that way."

For just a moment, Jim froze, his stomach falling as Leonard's good-natured jab hit home. The doctor hadn't seemed surprised when Jim told him that he’d started seeing the new science officer. They’d been eating lunch in the mess, and though Jim had been strung tight with nerves he couldn't explain, Leonard had simply nodded, his eyes growing distant before he’d changed the subject.

"Give me a little credit, man," Jim told him now, carrying the glasses back to the desk where Leonard was slowly eating from the bowl of soup.

Leonard's eyes lifted as the captain sat down, and he nodded his thanks when Jim placed a glass in front of  him. "I give you credit a lot more often than you realize."

Jim sipped the brandy and swallowed. "Okay. Then you won’t be surprised to hear that I know you and your staff have been putting in a lot of long hours, Bones."

Leonard shrugged. "We're doing our jobs. Just like everyone else. The whole crew's been going full tilt, Jim, not just medical."

"The difference," Jim replied, "is that the rest of the staff look for ways to unwind during their off-duty time. They go to the gyms and the rec rooms, maybe spend time meditating in one of the observation lounges."

"No one meditates in the lounges but Spock," Leonard grumbled, toying with his sandwich, "and thank God for that, because that shit is _private_ as far as I'm concerned. The least the man could do is use the officer's gym."

"My point, Bones, is that the crew at large actually capitalizes on opportunities to relax, unlike my doctors and nurses, who like to drive themselves into the ground."

"That's because the crew at large spends the majority of their on duty time looking for ways to do themselves injury, Jim. Doesn't leave the medical staff with much time to _relax_ , on or off duty."

Jim cocked his head and gave Leonard a fond, somewhat exasperated smile. "Is that why you're holed up here with your PADDs instead of in the deck five rec room celebrating your birthday party?"

Leonard groaned, dropping his sandwich and rubbing at his eyes with the back of one hand. "If I'd known that letting you and Theelis start in with the birthday thing would lead to this—"

"You should have come clean with us about your real birthday from the start," Jim replied. He felt a surge of affection as the doctor’s gaze met his, his eyes red-rimmed and weary, but filled with genuine warmth. "Can't believe you were gonna stand me up, Bones."

"I was going to head down to the party in a little while," Leonard assured him earnestly, then paused to wipe his hands on a napkin. "I needed to get through some of these patient charts first, that's all. Thought maybe I'd get a second wind after I had something to eat, too."

Jim gestured at Leonard’s half-eaten dinner. "How's that going?"

"Really badly," Leonard admitted with a regretful chuckle. "The last couple of weeks are finally catching up to me, I guess. Doesn't mean I can't still go down for a drink or two."

"Yeah?"

"Uh-huh. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but it'd seem ... _wrong_ to not have at least one of your hellacious drinks on the forty-fifth."

"Bones. I'm touched," Jim teased.

"You should be," Leonard retorted. "I don't voluntarily singe my sinuses with firewater for just anyone. Jerk."

Jim tipped his head back and laughed, a lightness expanding in his chest and buoying his spirit. There never seemed to be enough time to just sit like this with Leonard, the two of them giving each other shit and generally being irresponsible, if only for a few minutes. Jim could see the way Leonard fed off the energy too, in his broad grin and shining eyes.

Then Leonard took a sip from his glass and suddenly the room seemed to shift around Jim, making his skin feel hot and his collar too tight. It had been over a year since he and Leonard had fooled around. Now, as Jim's eyes moved from the long line of Leonard's throat to his lips, catching a peek of pink tongue that darted out to catch a lingering drop of brandy, the attraction Jim always felt for the man bloomed, hot and heavy and impossible to ignore.

"Nice to see you smile, Bones," he murmured, the words tripping out of Jim’s mouth before he realized that he was speaking.

Leonard's eyes widened in surprise, his grin changing and growing tender. "Nice to hear you laugh," the doctor replied, his eyes lingering on Jim's for a long, charged moment before Leonard looked down at the glass in his hand.

When he spoke again, his voice was slightly hoarse. "Let’s head down to the party, Jim. I'll work on, err, capitalizing on an opportunity for relaxation while you mix the cocktails."

Jim's reply was interrupted by the chime on Leonard's door. The captain grinned widely and got to his feet, quickly crossing the room while Leonard watched him curiously.

"What's going on, Jim?" His brow furrowed in confusion as Jim greeted Mr. Scott, who entered the room with two shot glasses and a cocktail shaker in his hands.

"Good evening, Dr. McCoy," Mr. Scott greeted, a twinkle in his eye.

"Evenin', Scotty," Leonard replied.

Scott turned to the captain. "Sorry I'm a bit late, sir. Your forty-fifth party's a bit more crowded this year—took me longer to get up here than I expected."

"No apologies necessary, Scotty," Jim replied, taking the glasses and shaker from the Chief Engineer and making his way back to the desk where Leonard sat looking bemused. "Bones and I made do with a little brandy while we were waiting."

Scott didn't bother to hide his grimace. "Better your head than mine, sir," he joked, "though I'm surprised you let him talk you into mixing your liquors, Doctor—thought you knew better than that."

"Generally I do know better," Leonard said dryly, his gaze settling on the shaker that Jim had set on the desk. "Didn’t know we were expecting something more, though.” Leonard sniffed suddenly and grinned at Jim. “Do I smell cinnamon?"

"Hey, you said yourself that it wouldn't be right to miss out on frying your sinuses, Bones.” Jim took up the shaker and shook it briskly. “This way, we can have a drink just like every year and you don't even need to leave your quarters."

"Remind me of this moment the next time you do something very stupid and I'm about to kill you."

Jim simply smiled, lining up the shot glasses with one hand while Scott bade Leonard goodnight and headed back to the party. The tension between the doctor and Jim returned after the door slid closed behind Scott, though, filling the room with an almost audible hum as the captain placed one glass in front of Leonard. Jim moved to sit, but blinked in surprise when Leonard rose to his feet too, and gave Jim a look of unmistakable affection.

“Thanks for doing this, kid.”

Raising his glass, Jim swallowed hard before trusting himself to speak. "Happy forty-fifth, Bones. To relaxing."

"In the privacy of our own quarters," Leonard added, touching his glass to Jim's, and smirking when Jim let out a snort.

 

~o0o~

 

Leonard's blood was shockingly hot as it ran over Jim's hand. The captain pressed his lips together hard, remembering his field medicine training as he applied pressure to the ugly wound in his friend's right side. Holding the communicator in his free hand, eyes flicked from the bloody hole to Leonard's face, sheened with sweat and drawn with pain.

" _Enterprise_ , two to beam up," Jim barked into the comm, cursing colorfully when a scrambled mixture of static and voices echoed back in reply. Another mortar hit the cliffs behind them then, and Jim cringed and angled his body over Leonard's as they were pelted with rocks and debris. "Jesus _Christ_!"

"Not sure the Almighty’s given to working with transporters, Jim," Leonard gritted out. "Though I'd settle for being knocked unconscious right now—I could use the rest."

"Want me to stun you?"

"Fuck no. I'm already full of holes, Jim, phaser burns would just be overkill."

Jim fought back a wild desire to laugh when the doctor grunted in pain.

Estra II’s briefings had made the uninhabited planet's mild climate and lush fauna sound inviting enough that Jim had assigned himself to the team over Spock's mild objections. Jim had claimed that he wanted a break from the starship's recycled air, but his real desire that afternoon was for time away from the tension that lingered between Lieutenant Carol Marcus and himself.

The aftermath of his breakup with Marcus had been both easier and harder than Jim had anticipated. When it became obvious to them both that the attraction between them had simply run its course, they'd split amicably and without drama. Things remained somewhat strained between them, though, a circumstance well known by the _Enterprise_ senior staff, and Leonard in particular; he was friendly with both parties and was Jim’s sounding board when it came to personal matters. Jim suspected that this was the reason that Leonard had accepted his assignment to the Estra II away team without complaint; Leonard knew, without needing to be told, that his friend needed some extra breathing room.

When the away team beamed down to Estra II, Jim had been looking forward to collecting samples for the sciences division and soaking up a little natural light while listening to Leonard bitch good-naturedly about twin suns and alien pollen. Instead, they'd abruptly found themselves in the middle of a firefight, running for cover behind a copse of scrubby trees at the base of some crumbling cliffs while mortars exploded almost on top of them. Leonard bleeding out past the shrapnel that had torn into him was just the icing on the cake.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," Jim muttered, trying the communicator again. 

"Reassuring to hear that you don't plan these moments of epic fuckery," Leonard managed before tensing and biting his lip, probably to stop himself from crying out. "Hey, at least I have a real excuse to skip your goddamned forty-fifth party this year."

Jim gritted his teeth. “If you think taking _shrapnel_ gives you a free pass on Firewater shots, you're wrong, Bones. Besides, it'll be the perfect opportunity to show off some new scars to Spock."

"I'm gonna bleed all over that Vulcan son of a bitch," Leonard vowed, one shaky hand covering Jim's as they pressed against the wound together. "Right after I give him the fucking mushrooms he said he just _had_ to have. I’ll show that fucker that—ah, God," he swallowed, "r-red blood looks better on Science Blues than green."

The doctor's body went rigid again, while his face grew even paler. Jim fought the urge to hurl his communicator against the rocks behind them. His eyes burned when the fingers of Leonard's free hand curled around his wrist.

" _Enterprise_ , still waiting on that beam out!" Jim barked out past the anxiety buzzing in his chest. He and Leonard were cut off from the rest of the away team, and though Jim thought he heard muffled shouts in the distance, he had no idea if his crew were injured, or if the _Enterprise_ had already managed an extraction.

The fingers around Jim's wrist tightened. "Take it easy, Jim."

Jim’s anger at Leonard's soothing words blotting out the chaos around him. "Did you hit your head when you fell down, Bones? You're bleeding like a stuck pig, we're about to be blown to shit, and your advice is to _take it easy_?"

Leonard shook his head, the corners of his mouth tugging up into something close to a smile that made Jim go cold. "They'll get you out, kid. Spock'll figure something out."

" _Us_ ," Jim hissed, "they'll get _us_ out, Lieutenant Commander. You're coming with me or I will fucking court-martial your ass before you even make it out of the goddamned medbay, is that clear?"

"Yessir," Leonard got out with a little gasp that cracked Jim's heart. "Jesus, you’re a bossy little shit, y’know that?"

"Don't start with me, Bones," Jim ordered, his frustration fading abruptly when the comm emitted a whine.

"Keptin!"

Jim's heart twisted under a violent rush of relief. "Mr. Chekov! Dr. McCoy is injured—I need a beam out for two, straight to medical! And locate the rest of the away team if you haven't already!"

"Understood, sir! Distortions in the atmosphere are making it difficult to lock on your signals, but Mr. Scott is working on a recalibration! Should be only a few minutes at most!"

"Copy that!" Jim replied, his eyes on Leonard as the doctor’s eyelids fluttered closed and then open again. Jim bit the inside of his cheek for a moment before speaking again.

"Bones," he said almost softly, using his free hand to shield his friend's face from the dust whipping through the air. "What can I do?"

"There's a PADD in my desk drawer," Leonard told him without preamble, his tone disconcertingly urgent.

"Jesus, Bones, shut up." Jim bent closer over Leonard, his eyes wide and desperate. "Don't fuck around, McCoy, or I swear to God—"

"I'm not!"

Both men flinched when another loud whine filled the air. Jim crouched over Leonard, trying to cover the prone his body with his own when the mortar made impact and the earth trembled beneath them. Under the roar of nearby weapons fire and the crumbling rock around them, Jim could hear Leonard's shallow breathing in his ear, wet and labored in a way that made Jim’s heart clench.

" _Jimmy_." 

The hair on Jim's arms stood up. He pulled back to look at the doctor, fighting the urge to vomit when he saw that Leonard's face was frighteningly pale. Even his lips were white, and there was a burning intensity in his eyes that made the young captain want to bolt as fast as his legs could carry him.

"Yeah, Bones."   

"PADD in my desk," Leonard swallowed, his gaze hardening, becoming that of the badass who Jim knew so well, the warrior who had fought at Jim's side in so many ways. "S'for you. So you can tell the 'fleet what to do with me an' help my Ma, afterward."

Jim nodded, his lips pressed tight as his heart lurched. A cross between a sob and a gasp was wrenched from his chest when Leonard let go of Jim's wrist and fisted Jim's tunic.

"This is bad, Jimmy. I know it. Do this for me."

"I can't, Bones." Jim's eyes bored into his friend's with the fierce intensity for which the young starship captain had come to be known. "Because there isn't gonna be an 'afterward', not today and not for you. You hear me, McCoy?"

Leonard nodded his head tiredly, his features slackening so suddenly that Jim's breath hitched. "Yeah ... I hear you."

" _Bones._ " Jim's lips framed the word, though he wasn't sure that any sound left his mouth; his breath was locked up tight in his chest, burning around his racing heart.

"I know, kid."

Leonard's sudden smile went right through Jim, blurring his vision so that he blinked furiously, unwilling to miss one second of time with the doctor— _his_ doctor—even as the world blew to pieces around them. Leonard’s capable hands tugged at Jim, pulling the captain closer, his lips moving as he spoke. Jim fell forward and braced himself on one elbow. His free hand found a way into Leonard's dusty, dark hair as Jim pressed his ear against his friend’s mouth, trying to catch Leonard’s murmured words. Dimly, Jim was aware of Chekov's tinny voice over the comm, and knew he should respond. He closed his eyes instead, and focused on Leonard. The gruff voice in his ear, the sticky fingers entwined with his own, the brush of soft skin against his jaw.

Jim pulled back to press his lips to Leonard's just before their atoms began to swirl in the transporter beam, and tasted salt and blood.

 

Leonard's PADD was in Jim's hand when the doctor regained consciousness almost twenty-four hours later. Leonard surfaced in stages, his breathing changing and eyelids fluttering, but it wasn't until his eyes truly opened that Jim felt he could really breathe again. He sat mutely in the chair beside the biobed, eyes burning and the device in his hand creaking under the pressure of his grip when Leonard's tired gaze met his and the previously quiet medbay erupted in activity.

The CMO lay patiently as M'Benga performed scans and explained how they'd gone about repairing the lacerations in Leonard's liver that had almost killed him. Leonard answered questions and ate the ice chips Chapel fed him, though his eyes continued to seek out Jim's. The doctor’s expression was guarded, as if he expected Jim to get to his feet and leave at any moment.

Jim remained seated, though, because he couldn't bear to be away from his friend and because he didn't trust himself to stand. Once they were alone, he leaned forward to prop his elbows on his knees and let his head fall forward under the weight of Leonard’s eyes.

"Estra II was occupied without Federation knowledge," he explained wearily. "Militants from a neighboring system ... they use the planet as a sort of training ground, but it's all cloaked, so we never picked up any signs."

"When we turned up ..." Leonard began.

"They probably thought we were part of a training exercise or something," Jim finished. "Spock and I have been trying to figure out the whole mess, but there appear to be ties back to the Romulans, so no one's talking very much. The rest of the team got out okay, too, believe it or not—you were the only casualty."

Leonard sighed. "Well, that figures. First time in a dog's age we've been off this scrap heap and we still manage to find a way to get shot at."

Jim nodded slowly, his eyes closing when a warm hand came to rest on his forearm.

"You scared the shit out of me, Bones. I think it's gonna be a while before I can look at a mushroom again without having a goddamned anxiety attack—" Jim choked and mashed his lips together, struggling to keep his composure as the fingers on his arm tightened.

Leonard drew Jim forward gently, closer to the biobed and Jim felt himself begin to crack when Leonard’s hand moved reached up to rest against the back of Jim’s neck. The captain raised a hand to cover Leonard's, leaning into his friend’s touch, his body thrumming with an overload of emotion and a raw relief that he'd refused to allow himself to feel until now. He became aware of Leonard’s voice, the soothing rumble soaking into Jim's very bones, warming him and loosening the tension coiling through his muscles.

"You're okay, Jim. It's okay."

It was awhile before Jim raised his head again. When he did, the sorrow in Leonard's eyes made his chest tighten all over again, so he pulled the doctor's hand down from the back of his neck to clasp it in his own, just as Chapel parted the privacy curtain. The three talked quietly, exchanging idle gossip as the nurse dosed Leonard with a series of hypos. Leonard's smile was drowsy by the time Chapel excused herself to look after other patients.

"You look tired, Bones," Jim told his friend softly.

"Bet you look worse."

"Probably," Jim agreed with a rueful laugh, plucking at his clean but rumpled uniform. "I've been splitting my time between the bridge and here since M'Benga cleared me for duty. I'll get out of here in a minute, though, so you can get some rest."

Leonard tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. "Make sure you sleep, Jim. Get Geoff to give you a sedative if you’re too wired," he urged, a grim kind of understanding in his eyes.

Jim nodded, aware again of how really well Leonard knew him. He let his gaze fall on the PADD he'd been holding, and slowly, he placed it on the biobed by Leonard's elbow.

"I didn't read everything," Jim admitted, meeting Leonard's steady gaze. "Enough to know what to do, how to help your family, like you said." He paused, twining his fingers with the doctor's while his pulse thrummed. "I didn't read the doc you addressed to me."

Leonard nodded, glancing down at their joined hands and then back to Jim. "Why not?"

"Didn't want to do that unless I really had to."

A slow grin lit Leonard's face. "You really are a stubborn ass, y'know."

"Yeah, well ... everyone's got their strengths." Jim shrugged and blew out a long breath. "Bones, is there anything in that doc that you didn't say to me down there on that planet?"

Leonard shook his head. "No. Been waitin' a while to tell you." He blinked heavily, his words slurring softly as he fought to stay awake, and Jim wanted to kick himself for not waiting to start this conversation.

"Wish it hadn't taken something like feelin' close to dyin' to make me less of a chickenshit and tell you, though, Jim."

"Your timing was shitty, man," Jim agreed with a strangled laugh, "but so was mine. I just ... I never realized, until I thought you were gone.”

“Sorry,” Leonard murmured.

Jim shushed him gently. “I'm really fucking glad I didn't have to find out by reading a PADD, Bones."

He sniffed hard against the stinging in his eyes before he kissed his friend, lingering for a long moment when Leonard sighed softly against his lips. Jim sat back at last, brushing the hair back from the doctor’s forehead with his free hand, and just let himself breathe.

 

~o0o~

 

Jim woke up alone but warm in the big bed; Leonard had taken care to tuck the bedding around Jim when he'd gotten up, and the captain had slept on a while longer. With a yawn, Jim rose and dressed, pulling soft, warm clothes from the bureau, slipping his bare feet into his boots before using the head and walking downstairs, his comm in one hand.

Standing at the counter, Jim poured himself a cup of the coffee that Leonard brewed every morning in an ancient percolator on the stove. He blinked when he detected a familiar flavor in the brew, and smiled when he looked out the window to see that it was snowing again, fat flakes dropping lazily from the rose-tinted sky. He knew that Leonard would be pleased.

Normally, the good doctor shied away from cold climates, so he and Jim spent the bulk of their shore leaves visiting beaches and tropical destinations. Something about this cabin in the mountains of Andoria struck a chord with Leonard, though, and Jim, too. There was none of the gloss and excitement of a pleasure planet like Risa. The location was remote, set deep in the woods at the end of a dirt road with their nearest neighbors and town located over five kilometers away. The cabin itself was rustic, outfitted with only simple furnishings and amenities. Still, Jim's friend seemed at home here. Despite having traveled to dozens of galaxies and a multitude of worlds, Leonard seemed content.

Jim cast a fond glance around the homey kitchen before stuffing the comm in his pocket, picking up the coffee pot, and heading for the front door. He paused to pull on his parka, sliding the cup and pot onto the hall table as he juggled with the garment's many zippers and pockets, then pushed open the door to find Leonard in one of his favorite spots: perched at the top of the short flight of stairs leading from the cabin to the path that wound around the property.

Leonard was bundled in his own parka, and had wrapped an extra quilt from the house around his legs. Snowflakes dotted his person from head to toe, frosting his garments and the dark bangs peeking out from under the parka’s hood, pinking his cheeks and nose, and turning his eyelashes silver. Leonard’s eyes and smile were warm, however, and Jim felt the now familiar stutter of breath that happened every time the doctor— _his_ doctor—gave Jim that soft look. The look that told Jim everything in the little world they shared was right in that moment.

"Got room for me under there, Bones?" Jim asked a leer, waving the coffee pot enticingly as he crouched down beside Leonard. "I can make it worth your while."

"Oh, God. Stop embarrassing yourself and get your ass over here," Leonard groused, lifting up the quilt so Jim could slide in beside Leonard where it was warm. Leonard’s eyes widened when he spied a slip of bare skin between the hem of Jim's jeans and the top of his boot. "Oh, my God … did you come out here without socks on? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Hey, you're the one sitting outside getting snowed on at 0800, genius, so maybe dial down your judging a little." Jim filled Leonard's cup when he held it out and grumbled when Leonard nudged him with his shoulder.

The men sat quietly for a while, Jim pulling up his hood at Leonard’s request, and watched the features of the woods around them soften as the snow continued to fall. Jim’s throat tightened when he glanced at his friend, just catching a flash of melancholy in his expression, and reached to hold Leonard’s free hand with his own.

Leonard had come to terms with his duty as a Starfleet officer early on; he’d been the one to lead Jim into the black on their maiden voyage aboard the _Enterprise_ , and had stood by his captain’s side during every journey since. Jim suspected, however, that a part of Leonard yearned for solid ground the same way that Jim himself yearned for travel among the stars. The idea that Jim might someday lose the doctor to that yearning left him feeling breathless.

"You like it here," he observed now, his pulse quickening as Leonard shrugged one shoulder and nodded.

"It's nice," Leonard agreed, "and really different from the places we usually go for leave. I feel like I'm actually unplugged for a change." He winced slightly. "I had to use my communicator to figure out what day it was this morning, though, which is probably a sign that I'm ready to go back to work."

"That explains the cinnamon in the coffee, I suppose." Jim licked his lips appreciatively. “I spaced out on the stardate, too.”

The sound of Jim’s comm chiming in his pocket caught them both by surprise. Leonard snickered when Jim rolled his eyes.

“Vacation’s over, I guess.”

"That’s probably Spock checking in,” Jim agreed, “but not for the reasons you might think. Before we beamed down, he mentioned that the senior crew were planning a dinner for tonight. You're not the only one who likes their tonsils set on fire for the forty-fifth, Bones."

"That’s because they’re a bunch of weirdos," Leonard deadpanned before his expression turned speculative. "What are the chances they've forgotten about the fake birthday this year, too?"

"Slim and none. I had Rand circulate a comm to remind everyone to wish you a happy birthday today."

"Aw, hell."

Jim beamed at Leonard’s surly expression. "You gonna miss this?" he asked after a moment, going for casual and knowing he'd failed when Leonard leaned forward to press a kiss against Jim's mouth.

"If I do, we can always come back next year, Jim."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I wrote this a while back and meant to post it *on* the forty-fifth day of this year. My bad. Also, un-beta'd. 
> 
> TOS McCoy's birthday is in late January , so I co-opted the same birthday for this version of Bones.
> 
> Feedback always appreciated.


End file.
